It's been hard for me to write lately.
I know that I miss you, because it's hard for a moment to go by without thinking of you.
But I feel a bit empty, really.

We found out that girl you were with was not pregnant. I was really hoping she was. I think your mom and Curtis were too.

I can't find meaning in why someone like you should have to die, it feels so unfair. Your 22nd birthday is in 28 days. I want to do something- but I don't know what to do.

I feel like there is no one I can talk to about you, about how much I miss you, and the things you liked, or the unfairness of your passing. I know were weren't all that close recently, but you were always my favorite brother.

I feel a sinking feeling when I think about you coming to see us, and us being gone. I wonder if it would have changed anything. I know it probably wouldn't have, but even the smallest things can have grand effects.

I feel alone lately. Mom is distant, I feel like no one wants me around. I have been spending more time than usual online, but even those I talk to online seem to be distancing themselves from me. I think they just have too much to deal with in their own lives. I feel so alone though, it's like a bottomless hole. I wish I didn't feel this way, and I know that it's not due to anything they've done.

Nana had surgery yesterday, she is doing well. I was really worried I was going to lose her too. I'm not sure what I would have done if that would have happened.
Today I went to see her, and she was doing well. She was eating solid food, and asked who dead antwood was xD (She meant Die Antwoord of course, and she wanted to see one of their videos).

I wish I could write you a song, though I've not really learned how to do sheet music. Perhaps I could record one. I want to remember you, and do something so that I don't forget. I worry about forgetting, sometimes.

I think Curtis is doing a little better. I'm not really sure. It's hard for me to talk with him. He never really liked me, and I think he never really thought of me as family. Maybe you didn't either, I don't know, but at least you were kind to me. Kailha has talked to him a bit, I'm not sure why he finds it easy to talk with her, but I don't ask questions like that because I worry about him too. I don't want him to commit suicide and I really think there is a chance he would.

I bet Andy and Chelsea miss you too. I know they knew you better than I did- but I guess I just forgot about them because I never saw them.

I guess I don't know what to say. :/